I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize