had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
