I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
