i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As shirtless as possible
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
