Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Everything about him screamed your future.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
