Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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