sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
