It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I stole a fireplace last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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