dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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