Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
