this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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