i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize