I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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