I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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