I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
