Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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