He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
