We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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