He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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