please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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