Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
