I hate all girls vehemently.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
