i love accidental penises.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
