His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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