These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
