My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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