So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
