And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
