I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
