Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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