I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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