bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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