Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
40s are totally the cure
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
