The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
