he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry about my life...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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