Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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