two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
