MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
