When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
