well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
