So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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