Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
