you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
