Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
