Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
