i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
