Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
