Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
