What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
