A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
