ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
