yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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