I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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