Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
