He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
True strength comes from lack of pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
