he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize