2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
