You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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