Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
