JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
