I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
