EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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