first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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