im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
