Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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