I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bring me that man meat
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