Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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