Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
