So drunk its hurt
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize