Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
