JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
two words...techno handjob
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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